So i just stumbled on this piece i wrote over a year ago when i got into this fight with someone i truly cared about... i guess i still had more to say, but i stopped here for some reason...
and these are my words...
i aint no superwoman, but i try.
the least u cud do is acknowledge this
this isnt a te-amo case....no its not
its a case of hurt, pain and what i consider to be betrayal...
i really cant place a finger on the right emotion to caption this so i wud just stick to hurt
pain
betrayal
hurt it is because of the way you shut me out
hurt it is because that is what i feel right now
hurt it is because i think i deserve to be treated better
hurt because i didnt get the memo before you walked on out
just like that
hurt because you do this all the time and after all this time which i considered to be yeaars of prac i just thot u wud know better....and act better
hurt because i know u knew the effect this would hav on me but yet u still went ahead to do this
hurt because after everything it was so easy for you to give it all up..
hurt..because it hurts me to know that u wudnt be bothered if i didnt care
hurt because u can do bad without me
hurt because even after all this time i still care soo much
pain
pain because thats what your actions hav inflicted on me
pain because i neva planned to lose you
pain because thats what it feels like when you detach
pain because i chose you and u threw it all in my face
pain most of all because u put others before me
Monday, August 6, 2012
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Hopeful...For Today
My week kicked off pretty well.. for some reason, which is still not so clear to me
Im counting my blessings and being grateful for life
God has bless't me in so many ways, and today, i am forging ahead with Hope.
Im clearing up my shelf racks, one dream at a time and it feels so good.
And this song, speaks volumes about not giving up on what you believe
Take this music and use it... Let it take you away
Oh! GLEE... My Sanctuary
Im counting my blessings and being grateful for life
God has bless't me in so many ways, and today, i am forging ahead with Hope.
Im clearing up my shelf racks, one dream at a time and it feels so good.
And this song, speaks volumes about not giving up on what you believe
Take this music and use it... Let it take you away
Oh! GLEE... My Sanctuary
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
I GOT TO THINKING
so sometimes we feel overwhelmed by alot of things that we are facing.
right now im in the middle of it all.... fitting into a new job, trying to decide what it is i wonna do with my life, family, friends and their many issues, lost loved ones who are still alive...basicaly just life.
but amidst all of this, how do i reay feel? am i happy or sad?
today, well as i blog, the feeling inside of me that i know and feel is simply 'awkward'
so i just started out on this job. i like it and all but i feel soo 'NEW'
These people just keep staring everytime i walk past them
its so unfair. lol
now im here blogging when i shud be in the kitchen eating,all because i think i'll fall halfway through the hallway.... those eyes just wont leave me be. and that andrew of a kitchen boy wont help me bring my lunch to my desk.kmt
lmao
smh at myself.
so yea, enuff with the paranoia.
i plan to make the best of this new job and take advantage of all the opportunities that come my way
Client services could be fun and also it has its down side..... being 'the face' of my company, lol, as im the first one you see or speak with when you walk in or call the office, i hav to keep my appearance in check. imagine now, babes have to be baffing up compulsorily. sigh
but then again, it leaves me time to do stuff i wonna do. i.e. shop online, skype, read a book, tweet,chat all day, study for my exams and al of that.
so, today, i choose to start afresh, and make a move
i sucked at my last job and my last job sucked at me in return
i took a lot of things lightly after a while and became very slack
well, even though i believe that the company had its own issues which ofcourse led to my repulsive attitude, in the end i still believe it takes 2. I ALSO MADE MY MISTAKES.
today im not following a particular chain of thought, im just blogging as it hits.
i think im due for a rebranding, as my ex prescribed to me while we were still together barely a month ago.
i wonna start doing STUFF
creating and indulging in new interests.
letting go of all the hate and guilt built up in me
setting principles and ethics that will govern my life
i just really wonna grow, so that when i look back at mine's in say 5years, i wud nod
i hate that ive had to smh at my past for as long as i can remember.
its one thing for people to think one thing of you and its a totally different thing for u to think of urself as something.
last nite, before i went to sleep i realised something strange had happened between a friend and i.i tried to do the whole 'not caring' thing but truth is, i was bothered. and somewhere inside of me i just wished the whole world cud be happy with me. but then again, i realised thats not the way the world works.
and there is nothing i can do to change that, instead, i wud do everything to change the way i handle such situations.
my thoughts precisely.
sometimes its soo hard to not care but with years of experience with constant heartbreaks and dissapointments, i figure its harder to be bothered.
i could really do without the excess baggage.
i figure that i dont need everyone's opinion to matter, or eyes to feel seen.
and gladly, the best thing ive realised out of all these 'figures' is that i still care but not as much as i used to.
for some, they were born that way, for the rest of us, we realise that we really shudnt give as much shit as we do. lol
the more i stay with self, the more i understand mine's.
and as i do some soul searching and come up with more stuff to make this girl tick i shall blog, but for now, let me attempt going to the kitchen......... these pangz r deadly. lol
love life,
be fabulous
mwah!
right now im in the middle of it all.... fitting into a new job, trying to decide what it is i wonna do with my life, family, friends and their many issues, lost loved ones who are still alive...basicaly just life.
but amidst all of this, how do i reay feel? am i happy or sad?
today, well as i blog, the feeling inside of me that i know and feel is simply 'awkward'
so i just started out on this job. i like it and all but i feel soo 'NEW'
These people just keep staring everytime i walk past them
its so unfair. lol
now im here blogging when i shud be in the kitchen eating,all because i think i'll fall halfway through the hallway.... those eyes just wont leave me be. and that andrew of a kitchen boy wont help me bring my lunch to my desk.kmt
lmao
smh at myself.
so yea, enuff with the paranoia.
i plan to make the best of this new job and take advantage of all the opportunities that come my way
Client services could be fun and also it has its down side..... being 'the face' of my company, lol, as im the first one you see or speak with when you walk in or call the office, i hav to keep my appearance in check. imagine now, babes have to be baffing up compulsorily. sigh
but then again, it leaves me time to do stuff i wonna do. i.e. shop online, skype, read a book, tweet,chat all day, study for my exams and al of that.
so, today, i choose to start afresh, and make a move
i sucked at my last job and my last job sucked at me in return
i took a lot of things lightly after a while and became very slack
well, even though i believe that the company had its own issues which ofcourse led to my repulsive attitude, in the end i still believe it takes 2. I ALSO MADE MY MISTAKES.
today im not following a particular chain of thought, im just blogging as it hits.
i think im due for a rebranding, as my ex prescribed to me while we were still together barely a month ago.
i wonna start doing STUFF
creating and indulging in new interests.
letting go of all the hate and guilt built up in me
setting principles and ethics that will govern my life
i just really wonna grow, so that when i look back at mine's in say 5years, i wud nod
i hate that ive had to smh at my past for as long as i can remember.
its one thing for people to think one thing of you and its a totally different thing for u to think of urself as something.
last nite, before i went to sleep i realised something strange had happened between a friend and i.i tried to do the whole 'not caring' thing but truth is, i was bothered. and somewhere inside of me i just wished the whole world cud be happy with me. but then again, i realised thats not the way the world works.
and there is nothing i can do to change that, instead, i wud do everything to change the way i handle such situations.
my thoughts precisely.
sometimes its soo hard to not care but with years of experience with constant heartbreaks and dissapointments, i figure its harder to be bothered.
i could really do without the excess baggage.
i figure that i dont need everyone's opinion to matter, or eyes to feel seen.
and gladly, the best thing ive realised out of all these 'figures' is that i still care but not as much as i used to.
for some, they were born that way, for the rest of us, we realise that we really shudnt give as much shit as we do. lol
the more i stay with self, the more i understand mine's.
and as i do some soul searching and come up with more stuff to make this girl tick i shall blog, but for now, let me attempt going to the kitchen......... these pangz r deadly. lol
love life,
be fabulous
mwah!
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
life oh! life
its about me so i dont think i need your seal of endorsement, your approval, or your opinion.
this, right here, is 'the attitude'
most times we are bothered about what people say, think and how they live their lives....as opposed to what we really wanna do, we put other people first.
i think its a mind thing. when we accept ourselves, we get to realise, that all that really matters is US. ME!
sometimes i forget about the important things in life and dwell on the irrelevances, other times, i think sooo much, it hurts. most times, i just dont wanna be bothered by any and everything, then there are the days im ready and willing to take on the cares of my life, family and even the world. sometimes im hurt and i dont wanna give second chances to myself or the people around me...Other times i love, and i just let it all flow.
i could go on and on about these feelings that i get everyday, now and then, but it all comes down to the fact that everyday i live is about making an effort. it takes a push and a decision to get stuff done. to love or hate, to cry or laugh, to sleep or to walk....basically to even do nothing.
sometimes i dont wanna do nuffin, sometimes i wanna do everything in such little time, i realise admist all this that im human. its not everyday im happy, sometimes im let down by the ones i love or try to love, family, friendz, collegues, some other times im a let down, but then again, im human.
i dont seek to blame my flaws on my anatomy, but i realise and acknowledge these weaknesses that are perculiar to me.
i hav learnt amongst other things to love myself (im still well on my way) regardless of how i look or feel. i may not be the perfect '10', i may hav graduated with average grades and sometimes not seem to co-ordinate my thoughts in a straight pattern, i may suck at job interviews and rock at drinking delicious wine and sweet/sour cocktails, but i think like i said, its about realising these weaknesses and trying to do ur best just for you and for no one else's consent :)
be happy, try ur best and dont take shit too personal.
its not a problem to solve, its just life, its a mystery to understand.
this, right here, is 'the attitude'
most times we are bothered about what people say, think and how they live their lives....as opposed to what we really wanna do, we put other people first.
i think its a mind thing. when we accept ourselves, we get to realise, that all that really matters is US. ME!
sometimes i forget about the important things in life and dwell on the irrelevances, other times, i think sooo much, it hurts. most times, i just dont wanna be bothered by any and everything, then there are the days im ready and willing to take on the cares of my life, family and even the world. sometimes im hurt and i dont wanna give second chances to myself or the people around me...Other times i love, and i just let it all flow.
i could go on and on about these feelings that i get everyday, now and then, but it all comes down to the fact that everyday i live is about making an effort. it takes a push and a decision to get stuff done. to love or hate, to cry or laugh, to sleep or to walk....basically to even do nothing.
sometimes i dont wanna do nuffin, sometimes i wanna do everything in such little time, i realise admist all this that im human. its not everyday im happy, sometimes im let down by the ones i love or try to love, family, friendz, collegues, some other times im a let down, but then again, im human.
i dont seek to blame my flaws on my anatomy, but i realise and acknowledge these weaknesses that are perculiar to me.
i hav learnt amongst other things to love myself (im still well on my way) regardless of how i look or feel. i may not be the perfect '10', i may hav graduated with average grades and sometimes not seem to co-ordinate my thoughts in a straight pattern, i may suck at job interviews and rock at drinking delicious wine and sweet/sour cocktails, but i think like i said, its about realising these weaknesses and trying to do ur best just for you and for no one else's consent :)
be happy, try ur best and dont take shit too personal.
its not a problem to solve, its just life, its a mystery to understand.
Monday, September 13, 2010
thoughts
i think there are people and there are songs.... there are days and there are nights.... there are highs, drys, and there are lows.... there are Loverz and there are friendz. there are ups and there are downs. there are originals and there are wanna-be's.....there are all sorts of things that surround us, but (in the end)its the little things that matter. the things that touch us and leave us with an impression... for some reason, we dont remain the same.
i woke up this morning and felt sooo tired, with nothing to motivate me for the week, but, on my way to work, i heard ASA singing over the radio and it touch't me...again. then i felt something leap inside of me and i realized its up to me to make my week woteva i want it to be.
i know there are days when i know i should do better, but for some reason i just dont. and other days im soooo on top of my game. the rest days, i just sit there in the middle wondering why i dont try as much and push on those lazy days.... and im yet to figure that out.
but today, i realize that therez no need to fear. life is a book and wheneva u choose to write, thats when ur story begins,. therz no need to fret or fear the unknown, that way you'll never know, live it one day at a time..... the rest is still unwritten.
so be happy today, say what u wanna say, let your hair down, tell that person how u feel, listen to that song that makes u feel good, tell your boss HAPPY BIRTHDAY! *giggles* take that risk, start that diet, live and be hopeful. dont put yourself down for anyone to trample... you are GOLDEN!!!
okay, so my boss just walk't in, hav to go make him coffee.... did i mention its his birthday? lol.
Hav a lovely week people....
stay FABULOUS!!!
i woke up this morning and felt sooo tired, with nothing to motivate me for the week, but, on my way to work, i heard ASA singing over the radio and it touch't me...again. then i felt something leap inside of me and i realized its up to me to make my week woteva i want it to be.
i know there are days when i know i should do better, but for some reason i just dont. and other days im soooo on top of my game. the rest days, i just sit there in the middle wondering why i dont try as much and push on those lazy days.... and im yet to figure that out.
but today, i realize that therez no need to fear. life is a book and wheneva u choose to write, thats when ur story begins,. therz no need to fret or fear the unknown, that way you'll never know, live it one day at a time..... the rest is still unwritten.
so be happy today, say what u wanna say, let your hair down, tell that person how u feel, listen to that song that makes u feel good, tell your boss HAPPY BIRTHDAY! *giggles* take that risk, start that diet, live and be hopeful. dont put yourself down for anyone to trample... you are GOLDEN!!!
okay, so my boss just walk't in, hav to go make him coffee.... did i mention its his birthday? lol.
Hav a lovely week people....
stay FABULOUS!!!
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